Personal Thoughts

 I'm listening to the radio station 101 KGB in San Diego. Rock from the 70s. Takes me back to times when I was confused and did not know what I wanted. I still don't know what I want.

Did I enjoy my teen age years or was I just a long-haired, bell-bottom jeans wearer, looking for love. Didn't we all? I was not ME. Just followed everyone, never had an own opinion. Was too shy to answer any questions in class, so I stayed silent and got bad grades. Stayed in my room, listening to music on my cassette player and drawing in my notebooks.

Today's songs brought back those mixed emotions. There were so many boys that I liked, but was too shy to talk to. My friend, Elke S., and I attended some open-air concerts in Tehran, I guess they were organized by the Bowling Club Abdo. At one of these concerts I met this really nice boy, we must have been 14/15? He had long hair, had a handsome face, was not that tall. We spent time together at the concert, and I guess we exchanged phone numbers. Because once he took me to his house somewhere in Shemiran and I met his mother, she was very traditional, wearing a scarf . She was cooking and offered us some food. He was really nice and I don't know why I did not meet him a second time. I was always looking for someone better, more handsome, taller? I don't know what I was looking for, but now I regret not giving any of the boys a chance to get to know them better. Have a conversation, talk about future goals, ambitions, etc. Maybe that is not what teenagers do at that age. Just moving along and not talking to them suddenly. I actually do not like my younger self, so immature. But, not that I want to blame my parents, but they never really taught us any social skills, because they did not like to be social. They only liked to spend time with each other. No friends, no get togethers, no parties, no sports. And I am turning into my mother with the same hobbies and hermit attitude.

I've been thinking about that boy many times these past few weeks, why is that? Maybe he moved to the US, just like I did, and became a very successful entrepreneur? Could I have had a different life? But who am I kidding. You surely do not stay with the guy you meet when you are 14/15. 

Haha, I stayed with the guy I met when I was 16. The irony, and he is not the one.

Do we start thinking about who was really the ONE when we get to our 60s? Maybe.