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I am tired. I feel like I never sleep at night. I close my eyes and try to rest. I even started a mantra, something like, "think of nothing - think of nothing" imagining the word "NOTHING" written in capital letters and scrolling colorfully from left to right in front of my eyes.
But my brain takes over and works at an incredibly fast speed, processing so much crap I just have to run along with it. And it really feels as if I need to run, everything is moving so fast - it is at a high speed, somehow.
My dreams are the weirdest ever (yes, I keep a dream diary). Airplanes dropping into a sea, and a co-worker jumping into the water to save the pilot (my hero).
Large bullfrogs sitting in a pond on top of each other (am I looking for my prince?).
Boarding a plane to Vegas to meet my grandmother.
Trying to rent an apartment with a very weird floorplan over and over again.
Going to a spa and being charged too much.
What is going on in my head? I ask myself if I am accessing my Recycle Bin? The so called three stages of the memory (Registration, Retention and Recall) are not really working well in my case or let's say at my age. Yes, I register, observe, take notes. And then it is stored somewhere. But once the information is used it is forgotten or unnecessary facts are discarded. And that's where they have gone, into the Recycle Bin, which I seem to open up at night one more time before I hit the final delete button.
Memory Recall! don't even mention it. I can't memorize a phone number - I'm so grateful for my contacts list in Outlook and on my cellphone. I forget what I am doing several times a day. Either I am standing in the middle of the hallway like an idiot not remembering where I was going. Or I return to the same place (kitchen) over and over again because I forget to pick up the things I really needed, and now have to get them one at a time. Ah, spoon. Great. Oh, a bowl. Right, emmm, Napkins. Good.
Names, oh boy is this embarrassing. I forget the names of people that I have known for ages and standing in front of them, I go like, "Hi Bryan", when his name is Ryan... or I just mumble the name "Hi Ja...." (it's Jill). But apparently, being menopausal, this is supposed to be temporary, well let's just hope so. At least it's a good excuse. "Oh, sorry I had a menopausal moment there".
My mind is in a constant nebulous state. I can't seem to focus. The other day I decided to return two bras that I had bought but that were not really fitting well. I got the bag and the receipt, I grabbed the trash, my purse and my car keys and off I went. Two days later I remembered the bag with the bras but could not find it. I planned on returning the items that day and wondered where I had put them. Ahh, I 'recalled'. I had one plastic bag of trash and one plastic bag of bras in my hand when I left the house and after dumping the trash in the dumpster, I did not have any plastic bag in either hand. Hmmm. I guess I threw the bras away. So much for being proud of keeping the receipt. Is it hot in here?